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_Play Parties_ _ Some Notes on Scene Etiquette and Protocol_______________
Types of Parties
Play parties - or dungeon parties--are parties where people in the Leather and BDSM scene can go to play, socialize, and watch.
- Private Parties Play parties that are held in someone's home. They are invitation only. There is usually no charge or donation (but the host might appreciate a gift.) They can be potluck. Normally there is no dungeon monitor, the rules are looser & more intimate, and edgier play than in a public party is permitted because the host knows all the guests.
- Public Parties Play parties that are often in a rented space and sponsored by a BDSM organization such as a private dungeon or a professional domina for members of the BDSM community or for the membership of specific BDSM organizations. There is a charge for admittance or a donation is strongly encouraged. The rules are more stringent than in private parties and dungeon monitors are on duty to see that the rules are observed and the scenes are safe. Since it's not really open to the general public, perhaps the term is a misnomer.
``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````Sample Party Rules While there is no universal set of dungeon party rules, most organizations have developed rules that are remarkably similar. Here's a sample set of rules that are representative of the rules at most parties,with some referencing playing with someone not your regular partner, someone met at the party, and singles.
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- Do not make assumptions. Negotiate all scenes. Do not assume that the presence of someone at this party means they are available for your pleasure. Do not involve yourself in a scene without an invitation.
- Never touch anyone, their equipment, or belongings without permission.
- Privacy and discretion are to be respected. All information about party activities, attendees, etc., is to be considered confidential. Do not bring cameras or other recording devices.
- Treat everyone with equal respect -- doms, subs, tops, bottoms, switches, volunteers, and staff alike.
- Play sober. Do not bring alcohol or recreational drugs to the party. .
- Please be prepared with something to cover your more daring clothing--or lack thereof --when you go outside the party space.
- No genital or anal penetration, oral sex, or exchange of bodily fluids.
- Solicitation for sexual services is not allowed.
- Respect scenes. Limit conversation and screaming in the play area. Don't crowd the playing areas.
- Respect the playspace. Clean up after messy scenes. No scat or water sports. Please do not use a station for unreasonable amount of time. Other people want to use the play equipment and space.
- Do not engage in play outside the Dungeon Monitor's line of vision. No guns. No breath play.
- Please agree on safe words for scenes. "Red" will be a default safe word.. .
- Dungeon Monitors have the final word on everything including the right to stop an unsafe or abusive scene. Check with the DM before any edgeplay, fireplay, waxing, cupping, piercing, or bloodsports.
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More on Parties
More on Parties
These rules are provided to offer an idea of the rules for a local play party in your area but that does not imply that the rules for parties in your area are the same. You must read the rules at the parties which you attend -- and review them each time you attend a party.
--------------------------- Respect the type of party.. If the party is a spanking party, don't engage in edgy S&M play. While there has been an increased cross over between the spanking scene and the BDSM scene in the last few years, many spanking enthusiasts are not comfortable with heavy S&M edge play.On the other hand some spanking parties allow for moderate S&M play. Check with the hosts to find out what is appropriate.
- Just as the people socializing and watching at parties shouldn't intrude the people who are playing, the players should not put the non-players at risk of injury by intruding on the social space with play. If you are playing with a sub/bottom in such a way that she's likely to trip or collapse, don't do so where she's liable to trip or collapse over an unwitting party guest..
- If there is a dungeon monitor, do not interrupt a scene --unless the sub/bottom uses a safe word and the Dom/top does not respond to it, or unawareness of an immmediate safety issue such as a fire, falling chandelier, or postal carrier running amok with automatic weapons. If there is a dungeon monitor, make the dungeon monitor aware of any safety or consensuality concerns.
- A dungeon monitor might be an ignorant, arrogant ass but he's still a dungeon monitor. Obey him even when he doesn't know what he is talking about. Depending on the situation and the politics involved, you may be able to address grievances later with the party hosts or club officers -- or even the dungeon monitor himself.
Or you might not. If you feel that you've been treated unfairly and you haven't gotten satisfaction, your best options are to avoid playing during the offending DM's shifts or not attending that group's parties. . . In most situations, dungeon monitors can do their duties without embarrassing, insulting, or abusing the guests. A little mutual respect can go a long way. - ** Do not approach a sub/bottom immediately after a scene --especially if the bottom is still in subspace. Approaching a bottom in subspace for the purpose of playing with them is predatory behavior. Depending of the depth of subspace, a bottom may not be in a state of mind to consent. Keeping the wolves at bay is another reason for tops to provide aftercare.
- ** Often after a successful scene, subs/bottoms will be in deep subspace. That can make them very vulnerable mentally and emotionally. They will very likely need aftercare -- which involves someone giving them their full attention. The top and bottom will need to negotiate this prior to a scene. If the top is unwilling or unable to provide aftercare, then they will need to make arrangements with someone else to look after the bottom
- After a scene, players should put away their personal toys and clean the equipment with disinfectant. If they will be indisposed, they will need to make arrangements with someone else to do it for them.
- If you are naked, don't stand too close to someone you don't know well --especially if they are sitting down. Some people find that intimidating and distasteful.
- If you are nude or most of your butt is exposed (g-string, thong), please bring and use a "butt towel" to place between yourself and any chair you may sit in and others might later use. If you forget a butt towel, please clean the chair with a mild disinfectant before you leave.
- Bus your own table. Volunteers are not paid to pick up after you. After the party or before you leave, thank the hosts and volunteers.
- Don't engage in exhibitionism or edgy behavior outside the party space where the general public can get an eyeful. . -
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Links About Play Parties The "SSB-B-(Soc.Subculture.Bondage-Bdsm FAQ" has a section about what to expect at a play party . http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/b2.htm
"My Experience with Play Parties http//:www.io.com/~ambrosio/startnew/heidi.cfm
" by Heidi, the impudent guttersnipe
What to expect At a Play Party" by Mistress Constance www.EvilMonk.org/A/constance02.cfm-
What to expect At a Play Party" by Mistress Constance www.EvilMonk.org/A/constance02.cfm-
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