●Sub=Love

                                                                                                                        4 Aug11

‘Sub Love’ vs ‘Sub in Love’ -- a forum discussion.  4 August11

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The Question posed:

The mental connection of a D/s relationship intrigues me like nothing else. 
I have noticed, that most subs fall in love with their Doms. Am I correct in this?

Does the mental connection and trust that is needed when training remain?
Can this type of dynamic happen without emotion?

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Responses from subs:

Interesting question. If the dom is to be successful, I would think that he would

want  the sub to have an emotional connection with him, otherwise how would

he effectively  control/guide/manipulate her?   If she has no emotional stake

in wanting to please him,  there  is no reason for her to actually abide by the

dom's requests. I know I wouldn't , unless it were  a scene that was simply play.

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I was taught, and truly do believe that you cannot completely submit to someone without  loving them. Submission takes such great depths of emotions, and such great depths of trust that love is an essential component in submitting and serving well.

I can scene, and play, and enjoy someones company in the short term.

But to  really  give myself to someone, there has  to be an emotional connection.
Besides, it takes so much work, time, and emotion to get to the point that you are ready to be owned by someone that it is hard not to love them when all is  said and done.   A  D/s relationship without some sort of love is very soulless and empty. It's just going through the motions .Really it's little more then long term roleplay.

 On occasion I liked someone, felt  we worked well together and it would be  quite wonderful... In the end though  it was just  for fun because my heart wasn't  in it. Heart is a key ingredient in everything.

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 It can, but the mental connection and trust of which you speak are very conductive to  strong feelings of attachment, especially if there is sex involved. Also, many of us aren't   just looking for a Dom, or for a sub, but for a loving relationship.  It's possible to have sex  without love, and some people do, but I'm one of those folks who would rather not have  sex at all than to do it without love - and I feel exactly the same way about submission.

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 It is really hard for me to trust someone that I do not love in some way. As for being "in love"  [ because in my eyes, love and "in love" are two different things),  I  would  also  say that in my experience,  “in love” is not  automatic but  I  could not have this  type  of dynamic without the  emotion of love .

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 *  I have loved deeply, cared for, worshiped, adored, taken care of, and serviced  my  Dominant but have never “fallen in love“ with Him.. 

  * * [ see-- it can be done]

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My feelings on this subject are present in each of these responses.

I have already written on the subject but  it is one I think is  very important    

to have discussed.    I feel this is a crucial area for understanding  each

other , as assumptions and misunderstandings could possibly  lead into

a problematic situation , which neither of us would benefit from.  

As in these responses,  I think it matters  greatly how the words are used,

‘a love’ vs  ‘In Love’ , which are two  distinct things for me as well.

I believe that because  I have thought quite a bit on this subject and having

had a little experience,  I am able to make the distinction as necessary.

My concern here  is how  my feelings and their expression would affect you..

Of course  no matter what I felt,  or didn’t,  believe me when I say I would

never attempt to, or want to, interfere with your home life by intrusion

of any kind, such as phoning, ‘stalking’, etc. ..

I  don’t want you to leave your wife for me [ anyway  I  know married guys do

not leave the wives].  Even if things were to end badly, which I highly  doubt,

know that I‘m just not a  trouble-maker.  I think perhaps  that  the possibility 

of your  being compromised is  probably  your  main concern,  because of the

consequences.. . . .Am I close?  

You need not  worry.  I sincerely hope you know that about me  by now..

You say you want no emotional involvement , but I am thinking that really means---
-up to a point, yes, but no further.  This is a boundary I place on myself as well.

It depends on  how you define ‘emotional involvement’.  You are already
involved on some level now.  Obviously I already have developed an affection 
for you that will grow no doubt, as things intensify.  But I have a mental 
picture  of you  getting disturbed  or nervous about the word ‘love’, as reflex,
maybe equating it  to problems, as with the  longterm woman you told me about.

I think that  if you have an understanding of the  distinction that I make, and 

of the powerful feelings a sub feels in true submission, how natural they are,   

perhaps the word  with its refined meaning  won’t be so volatile,  with the

Hidden Meanings.  Only a good thing. .

If  I  should  ever feel a  need to  say  -I love you Sir - and I may....
I need to have it clearly  understood  what I mean  by it, and what I don’t mean. 
That is the whole point of my going on about this  topic.

Would you refuse being loved ?...you wanted intimacy -- well, here it  is..

As mentioned  in the first response,  I  would tend to think that knowing the

force of emotion I may feel  would be seen as  positive thing by you as Dom..

.. that you can elicit such a strong and true response as a Dom,  and that it

signifies such a strong commitment  to a most willing - and loving - total  

submission by your sub. if you will  accept it from me,  as it  comes.

I am saying  -- I  already know  feelings of  sub-love will  grow  in me..

the particular  focused  kind of  love  & affection I  feel that  I as  a sub ,

need to make  my submission experience  complete and meaningful,

and therefore more meaningful and satisfying for you as well. 

     =   =   =  =   =    Sub-love’. { And  not  ‘In  Love.’}   =   =  =   =   =  

With a feeling of close connection,  I will want to please you all the more,

maybe more  than  I had  thought possible. .The feelings  would--will  

drive me to an intense devotion to my purpose -- to fulfill your every desire

of entitled  pleasures,  to totally  belong to you ----in joyous obedience

to my Master...going as far as we can go..

I  understand a  possible  wariness on your part ..I really don’t know.. I hope

that  if I have explained myself well enough for you to accept what emotions

I may have -- then  you can see it  is safe inside the confines of our

D/s relationship, and you can relax and just  go where  your true feelings 

may take you....intensifying the  experience  for you as well. 

{and I mean any  true emotion /feeling/urge].

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I know I am verbose, too wordy at times,  and sorry for that Steven,  but l want  

to have my meaning  conveyed so  it is absolutely clear. 

So please excuse me for going on.

I have  had much passion  backed up in me with no real  outlet for expression,

so that door is opened now...

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