●Control



 Control                                               8-6-11

                                                                            

Sir - attention  to this  factor is your decision  but there would  be mutual benefits from it, I believe.

What I mean by mental control when not together is -- the Dom using various ways to keep the connection strong, being  'in my head' more  and more.  It is a way for the Dom to keep the sub's attention and focus on   him, that she is  submitting to his wishes or orders even while apart.        It  benefits both by reinforcing 'roles,' although I don't really view dominance and  submission as roles, not for myself anyway.  [It’s a deeper part of me, not just playing.]


For me the result, and benefit is-- having the Dom in and on my mind basically all the time. That whatever I do, I think of him.  He is in my head.  It has  nothing to do what I am doing,  he is there, a constant and silent presence close to me.  It makes me feel that someone is there  for me always, a secure and safe feeling, and deepens my sense of  identity and purpose as a sub.

Some of the  controls commonly used by Doms are things such as---her not wearing underwear when out, or being naked while home alone, a constant reminder of who is in charge. These have been directed of me in the past, but are both impractical, especially  the nudity.

Another way is giving assignments, tasks to be completed as directed, such as the sexual conditioning directives you have given to me.  A common one is no cumming by jacking off without prior  or direct permission, or even being allowed to jack off or not. To maybe dress a certain way and send photo proof.

Some think it’s a good thing to have the sub  do things that are difficult for

some reason, such as the  nudity or  jacking off  without having the release. There is some logic to that, it proves the sub’s resolve, but at times a Dom can perhaps use  poor judgement  when going this way, speaking from experience...he  then  feels he  needs to think of something a  level or two

above what  he has already  directed, to  amp it up, with the  realities not thought through.

One common way of keeping the sense of dominant connection going is to have the sub do written assignments,  a short paragraph every day having to do with various aspects of the relationship.  The assignments are to be accessible to the Dom in daily emails  or a blog.  A written assignment might be something like how  she feels in her submission to him, if there are aspects she especially likes or does  not, maybe how she might be a better sub to him, or addressing a limit he wants expanded,  and such.

If a sub has  misbehaved or   disrespected her Dom, she  could be directed to

write about the error of her ways and why discipline {a correctional measure such as the assignment} is necessary, or why a punishment has been earned... perhaps what she  thinks a  suitable  punishment  would be.

It all depends on the two involved, considering what will work best and what the Dom is expecting as an end result..maybe self-discovery for the sub, or a tighter control of erratic behavior, for her to focus, etc.